because someone's got to.

Skywalker fired his photon torpedos as his spidey-sense kicked in.  The Klingon Bird of Prey was now within range and teleported five face-huggers from its teleportation room on to the deck of the USS Enterprise.  Captain Skywalker jumped in his boots and yelled, "fire another photon torpedo!  This time with a gypsy curse!"  The Enterprise's gypsy quickly recited the curse and spat on the torpedo which gave it lethal potency.  The face huggers were already scampering towards the crew.  Skywalker jumped straight up, flipping over and clinging to the ceiling as he unsheathed his light saber and sliced the face huggers open.  Their concentrated acid blood spilled on to the transporters and began burning through the circuitry.  "Oh my god -- the teleporter is malfunctioning!  A rift in space-time is opening!" shouted Luke.  Without any hesitation Luke pulled the sheets from the unkempt bed where Sarah Conner still lay naked and began tying them together, forming a rope.  He tied one end to the ship's wheel and then, grasping the other, yelled "tally-ho" and jumped headlong into the dimensional vortex!